Consider listening to Sinking Upward while reading this.
I’m getting into a sort of odd routine of navigating being in a place where I want to be and figuring out how to work with all the parts of life that keep happening in the process. I’m functionally living out of my car right now, just tent camping different places. This has been kind of intentional since I’m still ironing out what work looks like out here and that has an impact on what kind of longer term living situation I pursue. Also the location that I pursue it in. One thing I’ve noticed is that I still experience fear, what’s different though is that I am not being overpowered by it. It’s like a sense of, yeah, I know, I see that, but I’m also out here doing it. I’m out here exploring things that I care about and living into that sense of becoming.
It’s come as a surprise. I think I’ve always thought that I couldn’t navigate the challenges of life if I went for a lifestyle like traveling around the world or living somewhere that allowed me to pursue things like surfing. Flow has always been something I’ve been drawn to I think. I’ve found cycling to be an expression of this that I have connected to, I’ve also been drawn to running and yoga as well. I seem to seek these sorts of experiences out that increase a sense of flow. One of my favorite parts about being a barista has been the sense of satisfaction that I experienced from entering a flow state on bar. I don’t know what my future holds. I’m just excited to be dreaming again. A lot more feels possible to me today than it did not that long ago.
Rilke says, “You build a temple deep inside their hearing.” I feel like I’ve started listening again. I think beauty is worth pursuing. That is to say, that which makes myself and others free and whole, seen and known, loved and held with compassion. I’ve had a lot more questions than answers and not knowing seems safer sometimes. I guess I’m relieved to be moving in a direction that feels like it’s a way towards healing and wholeness for myself.
structures of home 