I bought a soft pink sweatshirt at target yesterday. It was nice to walk through that store after a busy day of trying to wrangle up a plan for getting things fixed on my lil Scion that are going to need to be fixed soon if I am going to keep driving lol. (I have a wheel bearing that’s rusting out and they have to replace the tires in order to legally do it cause the tires are almost donzo). Anyways. Nothing insurmountable for my financial situation and honestly the amount of money I have NOT had to spend on this car is amazing. It’s like a little reliable roller skate. Chugging along.
Anyways, I just vibed all day. Dropped my car off in the morning at this local spot to get it checked out. Went and just walked around the neighborhood a bit and then went and got a breakfast sandwich at this spot that’s called Pretty Good Advice (great name, right?). It was a mushroom, cheese, egg, tater situation with aioli on brioche and it was GOOD. I wasn’t full though so I walked over to a local Mexican spot and got some really solid chilaquiles. I think chilaquiles might be one of my love languages. I just love that dish so much. I couldn’t eat all of it, so I packed it and headed back to the auto shop. (I had received information about my car and called a few other folks. The estimate was $1326). I was like yeah, okay, but also I’m going to maybe buy my tires through Costco.
I asked the questions and got the help I needed. It was pure adulting hours. So, I go get the estimate from the kind person at the local spot. Then I head over to Costco to look into ordering the tires I need. I get to work with a lovely person named Tony and they were a dream. Hooked me up with a tire that’s slightly larger, but will still work for my roller skate and also is way cheaper than (by like $150) what I was prepared to spend. Rad. Installation on Monday scheduled. I’m feeling pretty good at this point. Tony gives me a coupon for 15% off with these auto shops that work with Costco for the other work I need done. So I’m like ‘kay I’ll get more info before I pull the trigger on something.
I look up reviews and one has like 3.7 and I’m like, yeah, pass. The other one had 4.8 and I’m like “okay!”. I called them and got the quote (it took several hours between when I originally called and when I got the quote, but finally got it, they were just super slammed). It was like 700+ for the wheel bearing and alignment and I was like ‘kay. After the 15% off it was going to be like 620ish and I went and looked at the local shop price and realized that they had quoted me lower than that for that part of the work and were also just a good vibe in general. So I was like, we have a decision folks!! I called and set that up and then figured out that I’d probably have to catch a lyft to work that day. It was like just some solid problem solving throughout my day off and I’m just still amazed that I am just handling my shit like a grown ass person.
I’m like, I’ll figure it out. If that needs done I’ll figure it out. I’ll ride it out. See where it goes. It just feels so much better than what I was doing before. Everything was a mini crisis. This didn’t feel that way to me. $1326 could have been a really anxiety inducing paralyzing moment for Joel, but it wasn’t. It was just information to take in and make a decision on what to do next. A challenge to be met with the capabilities that I have. I got a chance to flex some muscles that I don’t have to always flex, but it felt good.
I won’t lie, after finding out that the road noise is being caused by a wheel bearing almost rusting through, I’m driving my car til the repair happens at a higher anxiety level, but it’s okay. Also, super glad that my brother told me that he thought the wheel bearing was going out based on the noise my car was making when he was here. Super rad to have folks who know shit looking out for you. Anyways, I may end up spending $1326 on Rory. I don’t know. It’s currently sitting at less than that! I think the point here for me was that I was presented with a challenge and I met it. I’m just enjoying being able to be present to my life and working through the mundane and finding joy in the moments. Like just vibing on some chilaquiles while talking to some auto shops on the phone on a rainy morning in the bay area of California.
The deeply resonant aspects of life are so curious to me. The universal parts that we share together. I think this is easiest to articulate when I talk about experiencing beautiful experience together. Being in a room where an art performance is happening that is wrapping everyone into a sort of inspired feeling of deep connection. I think that oftentimes, when I’ve had this energy inside me, I walk away thinking that I am going to do something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time. It is a moment of yearning to be more of the person I want to be, (more fully myself), more fully human.
A deeper articulation of a dream I had when I didn’t have to think about taxes and car maintenance, health care and nutrition. I think about those things now. I’m getting back to that dream though. I don’t have to lose it. I can (and will) live my life that way. It is just costly in other areas. I’m willing to pay those costs. I’m willing to make the sacrifices necessary to engage more fully in the life that is examined and lived from a valued place. A slow distillation of care and responsibility and emotional intelligence and gentleness, etc, etc. Showing up to myself and others with curiosity. More of that, please.
I think that freedom is costly because it requires vulnerability. To be truly free I must risk loss. However, I now have hope of a bodily resurrection. I am already beginning to live into the revolution of an incarnation that restores this world so deeply loved by the ultimate expression of true desire. Yearning for vulnerable connection, the deepest trust, the clearest eyes, the complete fulfillment of every true hope, beyond space and time, yet choosing to dwell inside a body. Choosing to dwell inside my body. Beyond all and still here. A true mystical phenomena that language seeks endlessly to articulate, while experience draws me towards this lover with a quickening heart that has actual blood pumping through it.
structures of home 