“If I wanna ride with you, I know where to find you.” This coffee has a kind of dryness to it, but not in an unpleasant way. I like my life a lot. I like it so much. I think its like the realest shit I’ve ever done and will ever do. Not in the sense that this moment in California is the realest, but it’s the realest to this point. I’m becoming a real boy. I’m becoming a tattered rabbit. I’m becoming the lover in the giving tree. I’m becoming myself. I’m becoming. Going home to the home inside my heart. Coonskin cap. Refracted light in the glass that inhabits the spaces and makes beautiful things more accessible. Not that they weren’t always there sitting quietly in the dark and unknowing. Light perceived by the eyes, quickening the depths of us in a specifically tender way, that stirs imagination. Is beauty the birth of awe?
I still don’t understand how the suffering I’ve experienced has made all of this more meaningful. I don’t understand that. There has been a blindness in me that has obscured the richness and tenderness of this precious life. I feel like the healing journey hasn’t been easy, but it has been simpler than I could have dreamed. While honesty and integrity have a multitude of applications in various contextual experiences the core of them is very simple. The difficulty with them is that they will necessarily put me on center stage with my vulnerability and weakness. Paradoxically, this is where the power is unearthed in me. Love washes my eyes and tenderly holds me and speaks truth over my wounds. Richard Rohr has a quote that Brene Brown referenced on her podcast recently, that is absolutely my journey into a deeper relationship with myself and my life.
“The people who know God well – mystics, hermits, prayerful people, those who risk everything to find God – always meet a lover, not a dictator.”
If there’s anything that I’ve learned from my wanderings, it is that I am loved and I am known and I belong. I am celebrated and sought after and I have incredible value and worth that is freely given to me and I can live my life from a position of learning how to share the gift of this abundant life with the other unique inhabitants of this plane of existence. Peace to you.
structures of home 