contrasting textures

if i didn’t learn to love myself forgive myself a hundred times.
process process process and the movement keeps coming 
movement keeps coming 
learn 
grow  
it’s all happening 
i think there’s something that’s happening in the blurred areas beyond what I can perceive 
there’s something that i’m reaching for in my life
losing to find and letting go
reaching for quiet 
a place where i remember a tangibility profound enough to fall in love with  
bringing the heart close in a specific way 
to that space beyond all the push 
right back to making coffee in the morning and realizing how grateful i am to be breathing today
that kind of love 
doing laundry and being blissed out 
laughing so hard it hurts my sides 
crying together 
crying together 
knowing someone enough to love them enough to be with them enough to be home enough to come home enough
what is enough? 
i need the quiet 
i love the quiet 
i love the silence  
a beautiful place to exist from  
i know that i am home when i get quiet
it’s that internal place of remembrance 
that place of homecoming that feels specific in a way that is real enough to not try to escape through distraction or immersion in another experience
it’s something specific like that 
a sort of freedom that no one can take from the one who holds it
enough to dream of, to be with and be for
to grow together, apart and together
to be free and home
of communion 
of love  
maybe i do know exactly what i want