Author Archives: joelbigelow

It seems to me that trust and hope are energetically tied to each other. Not in a way that feels like american fast food. Over-processed and shallow. More in the sense that facing the tempest and fraught expanse of relational connection to another is intrinsically hopeful and requires trust. Engaging in a way that isContinue reading “currents”

I’ve been so sick. I think I got food poisoning. I feel a lot better this morning. But I was in bed all day yesterday and slept through the night again last night. Which was just kind of wild, felt like time didn’t exist in the same way. I think I’m learning a lot aboutContinue reading “june 29, 2022”

Take a deep breath. Feel my legs quiver. Feel my heart flutter. Feel my stomach drop. I’ll be here for myself even if this goes so poorly. I’ve been thinking about desire and directional movement from a position in time and space lately. Like the idea that choice is the mechanical element that desire pivotsContinue reading “something about desire”

Sometimes there’s a lot in me. To say. To be. To feel. To breathe into. To cry about. To listen to. To open to. To close to. To allow. To reject. To embrace. To show. To reveal. To uncover. To abandon. To connect to. To be with. To engage around. To commune with. To comeContinue reading “rooms”

what do you think is the measure of a true context?to forgive is to receive a blessing into myselfto be forgiven is to understand my need to be held in my vulnerability to be held in my vulnerability is to be drawn closer into the trust that is being built in relationshipto build trust inContinue reading “clear-eyed kisses”

if i didn’t learn to love myself forgive myself a hundred times.process process process and the movement keeps coming movement keeps coming learn grow it’s all happening i think there’s something that’s happening in the blurred areas beyond what I can perceive there’s something that i’m reaching for in my lifelosing to find and lettingContinue reading “contrasting textures”

warmth. sound. a person making guttural noises in my range of hearing while the cross walk speaker trills. the spacial capacity of observation from a geographical point. gripping the heart and feeling it’s ways down. down the blood lines that trace back through our histories. rage turning to grief. they want us, but not really,Continue reading “kill (or structures of home no. 2)”

Just say it. Just say so. If you want to kiss me just say so. I might say no. I’ve been thinking about this thing that happened the other night. I was at this party and there was a DJ and I was dancing pretty hard. It was cool. It was overall a really lovelyContinue reading “glitter”

It was strange to gain the awareness that I’ve been experiencing a specific type of loneliness. It felt strange because my life has been so full lately. I feel like maybe I’m needing to work on putting up some art work in the heart space of my life (metaphorically). I had this moment recently whereContinue reading “hunger”

Quiet. The moments where my heart beat and my breath are no longer taken for granted. Where my body relaxes and I am more aware of my toes and fingers, more aware of my eyes moving behind my eyelids. Where I find my thoughts to be passing through a broader more open space while observingContinue reading “willing”