Author Archives: joelbigelow

From dust I have risen to dust I must go, until resurrection swallows me whole. Late have I loved you. Late have I tried. Late have I loved you, but never mind the time. Andy Squyres Something about that is so beautiful to me. It’s like the person who got hired at the end ofContinue reading “rest”

*a note about this post. It contains very strong political ideas. If that’s not the vibe for you, chill. Another thing is that I love America. In the sense that most of the folks I love deeply were born into the context that is this social environment and have suffered the gaslighting and trauma ofContinue reading “a neo-liberal vision”

I’ve been working on this song for a couple/few/several years. I don’t know, it’s hard to remember when it started. I think it’s called memory (still working that out). The idea of remembering is so fascinating to me. I have this thing I’ve said in the past, specifically if it feels like seismic shifts areContinue reading “memory”

I think I am starting to understand the reasons why I’ve hated myself so much. I grew up believing that I deserved to burn in hell. Along with everyone else who didn’t bend there knee to the coming king. That Jesus’ primary purpose was to save sinners from an eternal conscious punishment for a sinContinue reading “you remember me”

I am becoming aware of the magnitude and preciousness that is the human journey. How there is so much contextualization that we are given as we are formed into adult human beings. I think how different my life outlook would be if I was born into a tribal society and how different my outlook onContinue reading “the edges of my garden”

I bought a soft pink sweatshirt at target yesterday. It was nice to walk through that store after a busy day of trying to wrangle up a plan for getting things fixed on my lil Scion that are going to need to be fixed soon if I am going to keep driving lol. (I haveContinue reading “mundane and vulnerable”

I work less than a mile from the ocean in the most beautiful area I have ever lived. I have co workers who are empathetic and stoked. I am stoked and empathetic. I live in a trailer in the mountains around Santa Cruz in a trailer that is a little sketch (zoning laws) and IContinue reading “something else”

*a note about this post. I think it’s pretty clear that i am being vulnerable in this space. This post is about my process with faith and stories from that part of me. Wherever you are in your process of becoming more fully yourself, love and hope to you from me. Also feel free notContinue reading “persevere”

My little love, where do I go from here? I’m currently sitting in a Starbucks in Scott’s Valley, CA on Christmas day, 2021. I’ve never felt this free in my life. I feel so much more alive than I have ever felt, actually. I’m here now. It’s so tight. Finally done living in the futureContinue reading “go ahead, incarnate”

this song is so good Getting back into my body. I’m learning to grow with myself. I’m learning to answer the call to protect myself when there are forces coming into my space that I don’t have the space for. Recently I was in a situation where someone was speaking and I realized that IContinue reading “death to a savior complex”